Tolerating uncertainty. Knowing versus understanding. Understanding is not agreement. It's OK to do things. Choosing your attention's target. Money makes ya crazy. Gimme a sec.
“Tears fall, no matter how we try to check them, and by being shed they ease the soul.”
— Seneca
Wait, what? 300? 300!!?? When did that happen? (Besides today, that is. 
)
Yep. This is the 300th edition of 7 Takeaways. I’m not so much surprised that I’ve made it that far (the Ask Leo! newsletter is on #1144, after all). More that it seems like only yesterday I was starting this puppy up. In reality, it was almost six years ago.
Wow. Time’s a blur, that’s all I can say.
Well, that, and thank you for being here.
Take care,
1. “Part of how the mind learns to tolerate uncertainty.”
What My Son Is Learning From Artificial Intelligence – Tom Wooldridge – (Greater Good Magazine)
An interesting observation from a parent, who’s also a psychoanalyst, watching his 10-year-old child use AI to get answers to questions. The issue is not the quality of the answers (by and large correct) or the form of delivery (cognitively appropriate and AI-confident), but rather what this is training his child to expect. Or, perhaps, what this is not training his child to be able to deal with: uncertainty. When answers are available and quick, how do we get used to situations where there are no quick and easy answers?
Reflecting on the number of children that are turning to AI for “companionship”, he points out:
When a machine becomes the most reliable attention in a child’s life, the pertinent question is not about the machine but about the deprivation that made it necessary.
An interesting perspective worth thinking about, even without considering AI.
Do this: Support the kids.
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(Or just forward this to a friend; I’d love for this to reach more people.)
2. “The gap between ‘I have an answer’ and ‘I understand this'”
Librarian Hotline: The Difference Between Asking AI and Thinking With AI – Hana Lee Goldin, MLIS – (Card Catalog)
A nice follow-up to the takeaway above, this focuses on the real issue at hand: having an answer is not the same as understanding the answer. We’ve seen this for decades as students stuty to the test to get the right answers, without really taking the time to truly understand why those answers are correct. They passed the test, so they move on.
AI, of course, has made this far worse, since getting an answer is nearly trivial. Understanding? Well, that takes work.
Cognitive friction is the effortful feeling of working through a problem rather than accepting the first answer that arrives. It’s what happens when we read a source and push back on a claim, when we try to explain something and realize we can’t quite do it yet, or when two conflicting accounts force us to decide which one to trust. That discomfort is also how we build the capacity to hold information well, to know when to trust a conclusion and when to keep pulling the thread.
Rather than demonizing AI, as so many do, Goldin points out that, used differently, it can actually help us think through what it is we’re working on.
Do this: Have AI ask you questions, rather than the other way around.
3. “Agreeing with a position is not the same as understanding it.”
Don’t Read Everything You Believe – Joan Westenberg – (Blog)
That takeaway above hit hard when I read it, because I wrote about one of the fallouts earlier this year: Understanding the Opposition Is Betrayal? It’s not at all uncommon to express an understanding of what you might consider “the opposition” (pick whatever definition you like), and in turn be accused of being part of that very opposition. Without expressing agreement- just an understanding of the opposite point of view- you’re labeled a traitor. It’s frustrating.
As Westenberg points out:
To understand a position, you must be able to reconstruct the argument that leads to it. You must grasp its foundational assumptions, identify its structural weaknesses, and define the specific evidence that would change your mind. And you can’t achieve any of this without friction and pushback.
The catch is that we need to be able to understand a position to argue against it if we’re to have any hope of changing hearts and minds. The deck is stacked against that approach.
Do this: Seek to understand, and don’t confuse understanding with agreement (unless understanding actually does change your mind).
4. “Reality has a known bias toward things that actually happen.”
This Is How To Get What You Want In Life: 6 Secrets To High-Agency – Eric Barker – (Barking Up the Wrong Tree)
I’ll readily admit that “agency” seems to be the buzzword of the moment, but it’s an important concept. It’s having the ability to actually do something, and then doing it. So many fail to realize that they have the former, and so never even attempt the latter. It’s common to speak of it in terms of professional development.
Somewhere, right now, a person with a lot less knowledge than you is giving a presentation on the very thing you think you’re not qualified to do. They’re writing a book about it. Somebody is doing a YouTube explainer on it with charts. And the charts are wrong.
The truth is, though, that it applies to all aspects of life. We have more agency, more capability, than we give ourselves credit for. The result is that we coast through life because we know how to manage the situation we find ourselves in, rather than considering that there might be more.
Do this: Realize that you can very likely do much more than you think. (It’s an entertaining read; Barker’s a good writer. Recommended.)
5. “Your experience is whatever you pay attention to.”
Choosing what you attend to is choosing your life – Jeroen Sangers – (Blog)
Given that we’re living deep in what can only be described as an “attention-based economy”, the message here seems more important than ever. What you pay attention to defines your life.
The gap between what you say you value and how you actually spend your time is usually a matter of attention rather than values: attention that goes wherever the environment pushes it.
The nuance here is that your attention and values are two different things. Your attention is very easily hijacked.
Another insight is how all this attention-grabbing trains our minds to distract themselves.
A mind used to constant interruptions becomes a source of distraction in its own right …
Do this: Watch your attention. It’s a valuable commodity, especially to you, if you can rein it in.
6. “People do some crazy things with money.”
The Psychology of Money – Morgan Housel – (ebook)
A lot of information about money management focuses on the numbers: percentages, formulas, trends, and so on, sprinkled with a little risk assessment and tolerance. While that’s important, there’s so much more to successful financial progress, and most of it is about mindset and self-awareness. And it’s an amazingly individual thing.
We all do crazy stuff with money, because we’re all relatively new to this game and what looks crazy to you might make sense to me. But no one is crazy — we all make decisions based on our own unique experiences that seem to make sense to us in a given moment.
There are a lot of good things to think about, with occasional advice. (#1? Save. Start saving now, whenever “now” is.) It’s a book I’d probably recommend for people just starting out, but there are nuggets here for everyone. It brings a different perspective to things we take very personally.
Do this: Save.
7. “I need a moment”
Listening is the silencing of the mind – Lawrence Yeo – (More to That)
This is something I struggle with. As someone is speaking to me, I’m miles ahead, thinking about my response. In the process, I lose half of what they’ve said. A simple two-step process would work: a) listen, and then, because we really do sometimes need to take a beat to consider our reply, b) let them know you need a moment. It’s simple, polite, nondisruptive, and above all, lets them know you’re serious about what it is they’re saying.
Listening is the silencing of the mind, but it’s also being aware of when it’s time to speak again. It’s about listening without the desire to respond, but giving space to process those words so you can respond in a thoughtful manner.
The first step is hard: silencing the mind and truly listening. But it’s such a valuable skill. We can all improve.
Do this: Listen.
Random links
Other things I found interesting this week.
What I’m reading now
- Strong Ground: The Lessons of Daring Leadership, the Tenacity of Paradox, and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit – Brené Brown
- The Butcher’s Masquerade: Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 5 – Matt Dinniman
- Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation – Parker J. Palmer (Audio)
My Reading List – everything I’ve read since 2021.
My Sources Page – the common sources I scan/read regularly.
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