Empathy required. Single data points are good/bad. Embrace your weird. Counting on miracles. Courtesy is the default. The greatest invention. Change is uncomfortable.
If you grew up where they grew up,
and you were taught what they were taught,
you would believe what they believe.
– Anonymous
1. “Emotions are not a luxury”
Kindness Is Not A Weakness – David Todd McCarty – (Blog)
In certain circles, mostly political, kindness is seen not just as a weakness, but a complete non-starter. Showing kindness is a quick way to end a career, it seems. The result?
When you remove kindness from the equation, all you have left is narcissism.
Kindness is key.
It takes a great deal of inner strength and moral conviction to look outside of yourself and feel the pain of others. Empathy is a far stronger force than fear.
And yet fear seems to be the tool of the day.
Do this: Embrace kindness.
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2. “Most single data points are misleading”
What can a single data point teach you? – Spencer Greenberg – (Clearer Thinking)
Fascinating musings on the value of a single data point.
Normally, and correctly, a single data point isn’t something we can build a generalization on. And yet, we so often do.
It’s also really common to see people overreact to a single experience they’ve had or a single anecdote.
However, the essay goes on to enumerate a few situations where a single data point has tremendous value. Things previously thought impossible, for example, can be confirmed with a single (well-vetted) data point. Single data points can open the door to further possibilities and discovery. There are more; it’s an interesting perspective.
Do this: Treat those single data points you experience appropriately.
3. “The weird parts are never as weird as you think.”
How to stop being boring – Joan Westenberg – (Blog)
This resonated. Over the years, how we present ourselves to others is something that’s trained, for lack of a better term, to fit in.
In middle school, you learn that certain enthusiasms are embarrassing. In high school, you learn which opinions are acceptable in your social group. In college, you refine your persona further.
It doesn’t stop. As we venture out into the world, the various social groups we choose to associate with encourage continued refinement.
But there’s a difference between reading a room and erasing yourself to fit into it. Reading a room is social intelligence. Erasing yourself to fit into it is something else.
The concern is that with all this “fitting in,” we lose track of who we are. We suppress the things that make us interesting and different. We become … boring.
Do this: Give yourself permission to be yourself.
4. “We are at the receiving end of a huge gift simply by being alive.”
How Will the Miracle Happen Today? – Kevin Kelly – (The Technium)
Kelly recounts the amazing number of times he was on the receiving end of gifts and assistance from complete strangers, particularly during his younger travels. It happened so often that he came to almost rely on it … hence the title of his essay. He was never let down.
There are several worthwhile insights. I found this particularly striking:
But after many years of examining the lives of the people whose spiritual character I most respect, I’ve come to see that their faith rests on gratitude, rather than hope.
Gratitude for what we have is so powerful and so important. Simply being here is amazing.
Although we don’t deserve it, and have done nothing to merit it, we have been offered a glorious ride on this planet, if only we accept it.
Do this: Strive to be generous and have gratitude.
5. “Kindness doesn’t need defending. It needs practicing.”
Is Civility Really Dead? – Tom Greene – (Wit & Wisdom)
Greene highlights something I’ve known for years: kindness and civility are the norm, not the exception. Because they’re expected and so commonplace, they don’t make the news; they don’t get the headlines.
I found this an interesting thought:
… courtesy is an outward reflection of an inner peace. Polite behavior and, more specifically, gratitude flows naturally from a calm, untroubled soul. When you’re genuinely at peace, courtesy isn’t a struggle—it’s simply how you move through the world.
I’m not sure I’m in 100% agreement. I’ve seen many a troubled, and not-so-calm soul exhibit what we’d call polite behavior even in the midst of whatever troubles them. It really does seem like humanity’s default setting, and only seems like it’s not because of the lack of press it gets. Greene includes several commonplace examples.
Do this: Be kind.
6. “What exactly is an invention?”
The Greatest Invention is…. – Om Malik – (On My Om)
Malik was prompted to complete: “The most important invention in your lifetime is….”. His response:
So yes, the internet is indeed the greatest invention of my time. It is central to who we are as a species now. And all other inventions, in one way or another, run through it.
It’s certainly a reasonable answer. It’s been planet-changing, after all, both for good and bad. I won’t argue with it, other than to have an alternate idea.
My reaction is a little more fundamental, and earlier: the transistor. (Though, technically, it predates my lifetime by a few years.) An incredibly small thing that enabled not just the internet, but so much more of what we all take for granted, online and off.
An interesting thought exercise, either way.
Do this: The most important invention in your lifetime is … ???
7. “Change, even when it’s positive, is uncomfortable”
F**k You Optimism – A User’s Guide to Optimism with Teeth – Joan Westenberg – (ebook)
Change is ever-present, and yet it’s always an uphill battle. In my space — technology — some people have hills that seem insurmountable. It’s understandable: even when you’re accepting of change, you still have inertia to battle.
One of the biggest obstacles to turning insight into impact is inertia. No matter how clear your new understanding might be, it’s easy to slip back into old habits and familiar routine
Old habits, be they habits of action or thought, are difficult to break. They’re comfortable, especially in the face of some unknown result of some unexpected change.
And yet, change is inevitable. We can make our lives much less aggravating by accepting that change will happen, and that we’ll face it as it comes. You don’t have to embrace change, unless of course you want to; just accepting that it’s inevitable can make a massive difference.
Do this: Accept that change will happen.
Random links
What I’m reading now
- It’s Easier Than You Think – Sylvia Boorstein (re-read)
- F**k You Optimism – A User’s Guide to Optimism with Teeth – Joan Westenberg (I don’t have a link for this one.)
- The Nature of Things – Lucretius
My Reading List – everything I’ve read since 2021.
My Sources Page – the common sources I scan/read regularly.
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https://medium.com/westenberg/rebel-optimism-how-we-thrive-in-a-broken-world-402922141991
Link for: F**k You Optimism – A User’s Guide to Optimism with Teeth – Joan Westenberg
That’s an article on the same topic, perhaps based on the book? But what I’m referencing is a lengthier book that she’s no longer making available it appears.
Quote: “If you grew up where they grew up, and you were taught what they were taught, you would believe what they believe. – Anonymous” Such a simple way of wording a very complex truth.
The TV show, Bonanza, aired an episode in the late 60s, dealing with a Mormon family, traveling across country, who briefly were involved with the Bonanza ranch father and sons. The family consisted of a man, his first wife, and a young lady who was to be his second wife. I believe the episode dealt with whether the young lady wanted to be a second wife or, indeed, if she should be one, legally, morally, etc.
I worked with a woman at that time, who was close to my age (I was in my late teens), who had no familiarity at all with the Mormons or their marriage customs from back in the 1800s. I grew up living all over the western U.S. and knew many people of Mormon faith – neighbors, friends, schoolmates, in-laws – and was quite familiar with their religion, both present and past.
My workmate was deeply incensed about the subject of the TV episode. She was totally unable to believe that any woman would concede to take part in a plural marriage or allow her loved ones to do so. This troubled her for several days as she agonized over it. I tried to explain the larger issues surrounding it, and help her understand just what the above quotation states. Her beliefs were so deeply ingrained that she couldn’t or wouldn’t look at the situation and try to understand it from a different perspective. I guess that she was a perfect example of the quotation herself. She stood staunchly behind what she was taught and believed.
Apologies, I didn’t plan to write a novelette, but this incident has always stuck with me, and the quotation brought it immediately to mind, so I thought I’d share, based on the quote.