Paying attention to small decisions. Ask yourself some questions. Ask yourself some more questions. Knowing when to let go. Consuming slop isn't new. Paying attention to what works. Intentional friendship maintenance.
“In the end, we are defined not just by our actions, but by the actions we tolerate.”
– Mike Monteiro
1. “Pay attention now, while you still have options”
the patterns that steal a life – Stepfanie Tyler – (Wild Bare Thoughts)
Regret. Tyler examines what it means to make “a long series of small decisions that slowly calcify into identity”, an identity that eventually we come to regret. It’s not the big decisions that do us in, it’s the accumulation of small ones.
You don’t need a new life. You just need a better relationship with the one you’re already building. And today is a great day to begin again.
Live the story you choose instead of what you’re told you should choose.
Do this: Pay attention to the small things.
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2. “What do I desperately want to be true?”
I Have A Few Questions – Morgan Housel – (Collabfund)
“They’re relevant to everyone, and apply to lots of things.” It’s a good list of questions to trigger introspection and questioning some of our default beliefs and assumptions.
Some of my favorites:
Which of my current views would I disagree with if I were born in a different country or generation?
What do I desperately want to be true, so much that I think it’s true when it’s clearly not?
What do I ignore because it’s too painful to accept?
What are we ignoring today that will seem shockingly obvious in a year?
It’s a good list, worth reflecting on.
Do this: Question.
#question #beliefs #assumptions
3. “You become wiser through taking action.”
How To Become Wiser: 25 Questions To Ask Yourself – Stephanie Harrison – (The New Happy)
Since we’re asking ourselves some questions, here are more to try.
This one sparked a thought:
How would an objective observer describe what happened?
This subtly implies that we are not, ourselves, objective, and that we could identify some other mindset that is. That’s a struggle at best, since I think most of us truly believe we’re already being objective regarding the various issues we deal with every day. It requires a level of detachment that most people struggle with, even when they realize it’s needed.
Many of the questions we want to be asking ourselves, both in this list and that in the previous takeaway, assume that we’re more objectively introspective than I think we are. It’s something to aspire to, but it’s also incredibly easy to forget.
Do this: Detach and observe.
4. “Sometimes respect means silence.”
Why I Stopped Making Cameo Appearances in Other People’s Lives – Joan Westenberg – (Blog)
A reflection on friendships and other relationships that we perhaps cling to longer than is best for us. Particularly with social media encouraging us to continue to connect with acquaintances from long ago, there’s a certain guilt and even stigma in simply choosing to quietly exit the lives of others when things have moved on.
The cruelest thing you can do to a beautiful memory is to make it tedious. And yet so many of us can’t resist. We reappear at odd intervals, in messages that hang as loose threads. We write the long email. We send the late-night text. We force the reunion that ends in awkward silences and rehearsed updates. All because we can’t bear to accept that it’s… Well, it’s over.
This is something that I struggle with, though less so in recent years. When I’m the only one who ever reaches out to initiate contact for long enough, I take the hint that perhaps it’s time to move on. It’s not always easy, and it’s often sad, but ultimately it’s often for the best. If nothing else it makes room for whatever, or whomever, might be next.
Do this: Nurture your friendships, but also know when to let go.
5. “Amorphous fast casual food served in bowls”
Slop as a Way of Life – Drew Austin – (Kneeling Bus)
I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with the term “slop” as it’s being used these days. It seems to apply to anything we don’t like, or think shouldn’t exist, and of course is most commonly applied to AI-generated content. But Auston takes a position that AI didn’t create the concept, it just sped up something that was already underway.
The arrival of AI slop is simply the culmination of a long process of cultural slopification, and one of AI’s unexpected functions has been to launder the human slop so we can pretend we didn’t create it.
As he points out:
If AI is able to suddenly pump slop into our environment it’s only because we already turned on the faucets ourselves.
Slop has long existed and exists because we consume it.
“But no one likes it!” Really? Then why do so many consume it? Algorithms give us more of what we consume, and they’re giving us slop.
Do this: Consume better.
6. “Deliberately noticing what’s working”
Ness Letters: Noticing What Works – Anne-Laure Le Cunff – (Ness Labs)
The concept of a “gratitude practice” feels too squishy or “woo” for many people. This isn’t necessarily that. This is a more subtle, deliberate habit to develop.
Noticing what works well instead of scanning for threats doesn’t just make you feel better in the moment – it rewires how you respond to the world.
Sure, you can choose things like a gratitude journal or one of the many techniques you’ve probably already heard of (and perhaps discarded). Whatever works for you. But it can also be as simple, and as practical, as just reminding yourself throughout the day to notice things that make you say “oh, that’s cool”.
We’re evolutionarily wired to look for the bad, to look for the threat. That’s fine, and perhaps even still important today. But it gets in the way of something that can have a significant positive impact: also noticing what’s going well. We’re not wired for that; it takes deliberate effort, especially these days.
Do this: Notice what’s working.
7. “If there’s a secret to life, it’s bonding with others.”
Want more friends? A better social life? Be like my 85-year-old buddy Gerry – Stephen Marche – (The Guardian)
What is it about Gerry? He’s intentional, even to the point of persistence, about his friendships. He’s learned that it rarely happens organically and that it takes effort. Even if it can feel embarrassing.
Intentional socializing feels faintly embarrassing, even pathetic.
Get over it.
That there’s a loneliness epidemic is nothing new.
At this point, writing about the dangers of loneliness feels like writing about the dangers of smoking. Everyone already knows. The evidence is overwhelming; the debate is long over.
Unlike smoking, what to do about it isn’t always as obvious. Maybe Gerry has discovered something.
Do this: Socialize. With intention.
Random links
- Adding a feature because ChatGPT incorrectly thinks it exists
- The Art of Timing – 5 photographs taken in the right place, at the right time…
What I’m reading now
- A Night in the Lonesome October – Roger Zelazny
- Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World – Anne-Laure Le Cunff
- Creative Intellegence – Greg Storey
- The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume One 1929-1964 (Audio)(re-read)
My Reading List – everything I’ve read since 2021.
My Sources Page – the common sources I scan/read regularly.
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