Public behavior. Brain failure, just when you need it. Chocolate, caffeine, and the rain forest. Yes, things can get better. Fleeting interactions matter. Knowing when to stop. Black and white. Seeing both sides.
“If people stop going to the circus, the clowns go home.”
― Seth Godin
As this is being sent Sunday morning, you’ll find me driving the back roads in and around Mt. Vernon, Washington. I’ll be a supporting volunteer for Bike MS, benefiting the Multiple Sclerosis Society. My role as “SAG” (Support And Gear) is really more about stalking all the riders, making sure they’re safe, and aiding any that run into trouble. Most common trouble? Flat tire. Among other things I carry a “real” bicycle pump that stranded riders really do seem to appreciate.
This is all a side effect of my amateur radio work, and I’ve been doing this particular event for something like 15 years. It’s a good time for a good cause.
1. “Don’t argue with an employee who cannot change the rule”
6 Things You Should Never Do in Public – Daniel Pink – (YouTube)
OK, so maybe Mr. Pink needed to vent a little, but it’s a list you’ll identify with, as having seen the behavior in others so often. The sad part? We’ve probably all violated these “rules” at one time or another, and perhaps even often.
The rule in this takeaway speaks to me because I’ve seen it so often.
When a flight cancels or the return gets refused, we displace our frustration onto whoever’s available instead of whoever is responsible. The gate agent did not invent thunderstorms, the barista did not set corporate policy on oat milk. Aim your complaint at people with actual power over the outcome.
I encourage you to watch the video if only to smile as you recognize all six.
They really do boil down to one rule: Be kind and considerate.
Do this: Be kind and considerate.
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2. “Your brain gets dumber at the precise moment when you think you’re being more careful”
Discover vs defend mode – Adam Singer – (Hot Takes)
Over-simplifying, your brain has two modes: discover, which is curious and creative, and defend, which is protective and threat-scanning.
Why are so many in modernity trapped in defend mode? For most of those who are, the attention economy has realized defend mode is sticky/addictive and the path of least resistance to hooking you, and discover mode is not.
Discover mode is more of a slow flow state, whereas defend is attention-grabbing and urgent and typically bite-sized. The solution? Noticing, and making conscious choices.
Do this: Notice. Aim for discover mode.
3. “One strategy for saving the rainforest apparently involves chocolate and caffeine”
Grandmas vs. the Apocalypse – (The Sacred and The Strange)
This made me smile.
Across parts of the rainforest, women, many of them mothers and grandmothers, are helping restore damaged land by using one of humanity’s oldest and least intimidating weapons. Planting stuff.
Things like cacao (chocolate) and coffee. I heartily approve.
Better yet, some of the trees being planted today may still be producing food and income years from now. A woman planting cacao or coffee is not simply planting something for herself. She may be planting something her children—and perhaps her grandchildren—will eventually benefit from.
That is a remarkable act of optimism.
Indeed.
Do this: Perform an act of optimism.
4. “Hope has a shame problem”
You Are Not An Idiot for Believing Things Can Get Better – JA Westenberg – (Blog)
It is extremely unfashionable to have a positive attitude — hope — about our future. Things are bad, and as a result the only socially acceptable position to have, apparently, is to believe that things will only get worse.
Except that position is no more well informed than any other. In fact, it’s often worse, since we intentionally close our minds to contrary evidence.
The defeated asshole version of yourself isn’t actually more informed, more intelligent, or more enlightened for their pessimistic view of the world; they’ve just smuggled in an easy way to quit without the shame, and they’re pretending it’s a mature assessment of the facts.
It’s easy and comfortable to be exceptionally cynical these days. Just don’t confuse comfort with accuracy.
Do this: Reconsider your cynicism.
5. “When we remember that an experience is finite, we tend to appreciate it more”
Ness Letters: Fleeting Encounters – Anne-Laure Le Cunff – (Ness Labs)
An interesting perspective on the value of the fleeting connections we make with others throughout our day.
But seemingly minor encounters can contribute more to our well-being than we might expect.
Simple encounters like the people you bump into as you go about your day count. And it’s worth leveraging. Rather than ignoring them or minimizing interaction, maybe do a little more.
You don’t need to seek out more people to interact with. Just start experimenting with the people already woven into the fabric of your days.
This is hard, particularly for introverts like myself, but it really does add value and can even improve happiness.
Do this: Interact.
6. “Do Not Go Past The Mark You Aimed For”
What It Takes To Build The Life You Actually Want – Ryan Holiday – (Meditations on Strategy and Life)
This concept came at me two ways this week, all within the space of a couple of hours. Understanding what “enough” is, is critical to a life worth living. We don’t need to constantly try for more and more and more.
It takes discipline.
The discipline to figure out what you actually want your life to look like.
The discipline to turn down cool, lucrative opportunities. =
The discipline to say no to the investors, the acquirers, the well-meaning people who have ideas for how you can really blow this thing up.
The discipline to not go past the mark you aimed for.
The discipline to not scale.
That last item reminded me of comments made on the How to Trust Yourself When Everyone Has an Opinion with Love Thy Nader’s Mary Holland Nader episode of Simon Sinek’s A Bit of Optimism podcast. The guest, founder of a financial startup, related being told some time ago by Sinek:
Do not build this company with the goal of exiting, or you’re going to lose your why and your purpose
Understanding not just what is enough, but what that means and how to get there. If exiting is your goal, then you’re in line with venture capitalists who love to invest, control, maximize revenue, and then exit themselves, leaving an empty shell behind; the very definition of “enshitification”. On the other hand, if you know what you want to accomplish, if you can define “enough”, you can stay true to yourself and remain in control of your life.
Do this: Have discipline.
7. “All or nothing, good or evil, total victory or total failure”
A is for Airtight Categories, B for Blanket Statements, C for Cherrypicking…. – Rebecca Solnit – (Meditations in an Emergency)
This speaks to an issue I’ve long felt passionate about: black and white thinking. Solnit dives into it deeply, and while typically framing it in political terms, it’s an issue I see frequently across a broad spectrum of topics.
Discussing the supposed death of The Inflation Reduction Act:
… talking about it in all or nothing terms ill-equips people to understand or engage with the reality of the situation. I’m not sure why people declared it dead, except as part of this habit of making everything into an absolute, when the reality is so often so much more complicated, interesting, and full of possibilities.
As I’ve said in my own essay on the topic (referenced below), there’s no room for shades of grey. Shades of grey require thought, thought requires effort, and effort requires intention. It’s easier just to pick a black or white side and move on. Unfortunately that distances you from the more nuanced reality, no matter which “side” you pick.
Do this: Entertain shades of grey.
8. “We’re being trained to be lazy thinkers”
Seeing Both Sides is a Curse – Leo A. Notenboom – (blog)
From five years ago:
Being able to see both sides of an argument is a curse.
People want black and white. If you’re cursed with an ability to articulate shades of grey, it’ll be taken as blanket disagreement no matter what your actual opinion.
Anything seen as less than 100% agreement is disagreement.
If we are to survive, that must change.
It’s still true today.
Do this: Entertain shades of grey.
Random links
Other things I found interesting this week.
- Dolly Parton – One of the better write-ups of her life.
What I’m reading now
- Neuromancer – William Gibson (Re-read)
- Good Writing: 36 Ways to Improve Your Sentences – Neal Allen, Anne Lamott
My Reading List – everything I’ve read since 2021.
My Sources Page – the common sources I scan/read regularly.
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